4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
