Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
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