Someone shit on the floor
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
