Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
