oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
