He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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