OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
