I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
