How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
