yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
