She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
