my mouth tastes like poor choices
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
