My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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