Umm I'm too high to move.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Randomize
