i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
