Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
