I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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