Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
