Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
