I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
