I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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