did you get engaged???
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize