Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
