But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I love having hate sex.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize