i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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