So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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