The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
