there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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