Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
