boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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