Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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