and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
