Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
