are you still at the devil's house?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I FOUND THE LEGS
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
