She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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