Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
