I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
