I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize