I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
We got so high we made milksteak
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
