Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
