Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
