is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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