and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize