maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
