Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
