you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
