My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
If that was your dad, he is hot
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
