Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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