dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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