I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
