shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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