Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
