I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I think my fart just growled at me.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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