something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
