sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
