I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
