We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
