I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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