your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
