They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
God, I missed his penis.
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