my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
