"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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