wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
