Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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